2. Ascent, Barefoot Walking, The Bogeyfort Scale

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Ascent

This is the key concept of hill walking. Without it, we would just be walking. Ascent combines with gravity to physically challenge the hill walker. With my personal experience of meeting this challenge over many decades I wish here to highlight an issue which should be claiming the attention of geographers, cosmologists and mathematicians: Why is there more up in the world than down?

 If you have, like me, toiled endlessly uphill, barely to notice any descent thereafter, then found yourself faced with another fierce ascent, you will know what I mean. If, like me, you have spied a summit, gone for it, then found, as you get near it, you are approaching the foot of another one, seemingly added on while you weren't looking, you will know what I mean. If, like me, you have spent all day toiling up hills, only to find yourself back where you started, you will know what I mean, I suspect it is to do with this 'expanding universe' we're always hearing about.  Come on you university intellectuals – what are we paying you for?

Barefoot Walking

There is currently a fashion for ‘bare foot’ walking and running. Indeed, one can purchase shoes which, it is claimed, enable the walker to enjoy the bare foot walking experience. They have very thin soles and all round flexibility I believe. I had shoes like that in the post-war austerity years. They even had round holes in the soles through which you could enjoy the authentic 'sharp stones and wet feet on a rainy day' experience. Some of these barefoot shoes even have toes! They look rather like fancy dress gorilla feet. Now correct me if I’m wrong, but isn't the best way of enjoying a barefoot running experience to run barefoot, rather than spend 200 quid on a pair of shoes that try to be not-a-pair-of-shoes? Also, apparently, one needs to be trained in this barefoot malarkey. There are videos entitled, ‘How to Stand’, and ‘How to Squat’.

The idea is, I believe, that it is more ‘natural’ to go barefoot; that we evolved this way. Well, I suppose so, but I’m sceptical. True it is that early man went barefoot. But surely it is also true that, at an age we would think of as little more than  our ‘middle years’, his feet would start to give out, and he would no longer be able to outrun some big bitey thing that fancied him for lunch. There must have been a reason why he started tying skins and stuff round his feet.

Bogeyfort Scale, the

The ‘Bogeyfort Scale’ of wind strength, devised in the 19^th century by Rear Admiral Sir Francis Bogeyfort, provides us with the means by which we can judge the power of the wind using no more than our own noses.

FORCE

0     Calm
       Nose is dry.

1     Light air
        Nose is dry. There is an agreeable cool feeling in the nose.

2     Light breeze
       Nose is dry. There is an agreeable cool feeling in the nose. One utters, ‘Aaah’.

3     Gentle breeze
       Nose feels cool to the touch.

4     Moderate breeze
       Slight nasal redness compared with rest of face.

5     Fresh breeze
       Slight nasal redness compared with rest of face; intermittent sniffing

6     Strong breeze
      Distinct redness of nose. Regular rhythmic sniffing.

7     High wind, moderate gale, near gale
Sniffing not effective; some deployment of tissue needed to stem steady flow.

8     Gale
       Nose begins to stream; constant use of tissue or side-of-path honk-out if that  is the preferred method.

9    Strong gale
     Contents of nose whipped away from face by wind; downwind companions jeopardised.

10  Storm, whole Gale
     Contents of nose forced back into head.

11  Violent storm
      Nose bleeds.

12 Hurricane force
     Nose bleeds due to contact with hard things.