Pylons and Poles

Pylons

You have almost certainly seen, on your travels, individuals struggling up the hill carrying elaborate metal contraptions. These structures, known as ‘mountainbikes’, are the modular components of pylons, especially designed for when a communications mast or cable carrying pylon has to be erected in an inaccessible place. Each operative collects a ‘mountainbike’ from a depot at ground level and is responsible for delivering it to the point required for the mast’s erection, where it will be assembled along with others to make the mast. It is demanding work, the only respite being the occasional downhill stretch where the ‘mountainbiker’ can climb upon his burden for a few seconds and allow it to carry him as it rolls down the slope.

Owing to the extreme difficulty of the work, success rates are low. Many a time, a ‘mountainbiker’, weary and mud-spattered, can be seen in the car park lashing his component to the back of his vehicle, to return it to the depot of his employer. Penalties for failure are harsh. Punishment consists of having one’s clothes daubed with lurid graffiti and being made to wear a ridiculous hat to advertise one’s shame to the world.

Walking Poles

These sharp pointed accessories were being widely yet secretly used by popular outdoor writers throughout the 20^th century. Then, in the early 1990’s, at a pre-arranged signal, they all ‘came out’ simultaneously, declaring themselves, through the columns of the outdoor press, to be users. They were photographed with up to two of these things and, free now from guilty secrecy, unburdened themselves, describing the joy they derived from them.

Following this other walkers started experimenting with them, believing they could ‘handle it’, using just the occasional pole for descents with heavy loads or for river crossings. Since then poles have become endemic. It is a sad sight to see users, clad in their Gore-Tex hoodies, lurching along canal towpaths or stumbling round the local park. The waste of resources is huge: experts have estimated that the average user could, for the money spent on poles, afford 25 pints of beer or 10 packets of cigarettes instead.

About 12 years ago I got in with a bad crowd and was persuaded to try a pole. 'Just one', they said, 'It'll give you a really good time, won't harm you and you can control it'. Well I couldn't. The first time I 'used' I had a bad trip. Luckily the grazes and contusions eventually healed and I suffered no lasting harm.

Activists are now campaigning for walking poles to be available only on prescription.